Middle-earth Christmas Carols
A Lord of the Rings Christmas special
Mae govannen friends!
It’s December, and as has become tradition here at Jokien with Tolkien, I’ve got some Lord of the Rings Christmas Carols for you to hum all month long!
Middle-earth Christmas Carols
[the Mines of Moria]
*the Fellowship, surrounded by goblins, hears the sound of bells jingling. the goblins scatter*
BOROMIR: What is this new Devilry?
GANDALF: (singing softly, but with increasing volume, to the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock”)
Jingle Bal, jingle Bal, jingle Balrog
Jingle dwarves dig and jingle dwarves delve
Greedy and deeper after mithril veins
Now they’ve woken up Durin’s Bane
PIPPIN: What do you mean, Gandalf? *lowers voice* Have you been smoking some Old Toby?
GANDALF: (his voice is a growl now as the jingles grow in frequency and volume)
Jingle Bal, jingle Bal, jingle Balrog
This is no mine it’s really a tomb
Shadow and flames rise, it is a demon
of the ancient world!
(a red light fills the halls and Gandalf’s voice rises to a shout)
What a bright light, it's the right time
To run the heck away!
Jingle Bal time is a swell time
To go fleeing out of Khazad-dûmGiddy-up foolish Took, pick up your feet
Jingle on out of here
Fly you fools out the Dimrill Gate!
That's the jingle Bal
That's the jingle Bal
That's the jingle Balrog!
Special shout-out and thank you to Kerry S, TSS, and Fred M who upgraded to a paid subscription to the Jokien with Tolkien: Extended Edition this past week!
For just $5 a month (or $40 a year) you too could become a member of the Extended Edition Hit the button below for more details of the benefits Extended Edition members get:
Now here’s a few more LOTR Carols for you to enjoy!
You better watch out
You better not cry
He’s giving out rings
to elves, dwarves, and guys
Santatar is coming to town!
LEGOLAS: There is a fell voice on the air
SARUMAN: LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!
Last year I did the full 12 Days of LOTR Christmas, but here’s another version:
on the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
FIVE GOLDEN RINGS
(voiceover) ...but they were all of them deceived, for another Ring was made
And finally, it wouldn’t be Christmas without this holiday classic:
You know Dasher and Dancer
And Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid And Donner and Blitzen
But they were all of them deceived
for another reindeer was madeone deer to lead them all
one deer to find them
one deer to shine their way
and through the darkness guide them
from Santa's workshop
where the shadows lie
If you enjoyed that one, check out my shop where you can get it on a shirt or hoodie!
That’s all for today, friends! See you next week, which is also the week War of the Rohirrim releases!
Namárië,
Josh
p.s. looking for a Christmas gift for the LOTR fan in your life? Check out my book, Volume 1 of “Lore of the Rings,” on Amazon!
Want some more Lord of the Rings Christmas Content? Here’s a few past Christmas-themed issues:
Appendices
Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens and Andy Serkis apparently want Viggo Mortensen back as Aragorn for The Hunt for Gollum…but even though they say they wouldn’t use AI but “digital makeup”…I’m pretty sure/worried that’s just semantics and it’ll still be AI/de-aging technology. Bring back Viggo as the older King Elessar telling the story, sure! But de-aging is just not the way to get him involved in my opinion.
📚 You can read more of my writing by reading my books! My latest is a collection of essays on The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, and more of Tolkien’s works (and their adaptations). You can find it and more of my books on Amazon or Gumroad
⚔️ If someone forwarded this email to you or you found it through social media or Google, I’d like to invite you to join 10,000+ subscribers in the Jokien with Tolkien community: Subscribe here and get a free gift just for joining!
🏹 Chosen as a Substack Featured Publication in 2023
🪓 Official merch available in the Jokien with Tolkien store
❌ All typos are precisely as intended
🔗 Links may be affiliate, which is a free-to-you way to support this newsletter where I earn a small commission on items you purchase
🗃️ Can’t wait till next week for more content? View the archive
🎯 Interested in writing a guest piece like the above? Check out my submission guidelines. Want to sponsor an issue? Email me at JRRJokien@JRRJokien.com
Glorious post.
This was fantastic 🤣🤣🤣