Which Fellowship of the Ring Members Would Be The Most Fun To Play D&D With?

A definitive, scientific ranking of LOTR characters as role-playing gamers. PLUS a few Tolkien Treasures!

Mae govannen, friends! Josh here. I’ve got another guest post for you today. This one comes from

Greg Nix

, a Los Angeles-based writer, comedian, fantasy dork, and extremely tired toddler dad. Greg is the founder of Chortle here on Substack, America's funniest newsletter! (Independent fact-checkers are still evaluating this claim.) Chortle publishes original short humor and comics every weekday, with the goal is to become a humor publication as powerful as Sauron himself! (But only use that power for good things... obviously... he swears...)

I’ll let Greg take it from here: enjoy his ranking of the Fellowship by how fun they’d be to play Dungeons & Dragons with. See you after the break!

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Which Fellowship of the Ring Members Would Be The Most Fun To Play D&D With?

A definitive, scientific ranking of LOTR characters as role-playing gamers.

By

Greg Nix

As Jokien with Tolkien subscribers may recall, when you first sign up for this newsletter, you get a welcome email from its illustrious founder JRR Jokien (aka Josh) in which he asks what your “favorite thing about Tolkien or Middle-earth is.” I found it to be a deceptively tricky question. If you’ve reached the point where you’re subscribing to a Tolkien-themed humor newsletter, you probably like at least two things about Middle-earth. Perhaps even three!

After some consideration, the answer I sent back to Josh was that The Lord of the Rings introduced me to the wider world of fantasy. I love Peter Jackson’s film adaptations, and The Hobbit is among my very favorite books. But I’m most grateful for the fact that, because I liked Tolkien, I went and read dozens of other fantasy books, which I quickly found to be more addictive than fine, Shire-grown pipe-weed 🤓.

And, of course, it’s only a hop-skip-and-jump from fantasy lit to other fantasy media—particularly tabletop RPGs like Dungeons & Dragons. I mean, who didn’t want to become a character in Middle-Earth after their first LOTR watch or readthrough? When I learned that some dude with an awesome name invented a game that is basically exactly that, I simply had to play.

Josh’s straightforward question about Tolkien made me think fondly of D&D campaigns gone by. It also led me to a natural follow-up question: would any characters in the Fellowship of the Ring itself actually be fun to play Dungeons & Dragons with?

Josh was kind enough to let me write a guest post dedicated to answering that question. (You’re reading it right now.) What follows is a HIGHLY scientific ranking of which LOTRers might also make excellent RPGers.

9. Frodo

I will say this about Frodo: he commits to a quest. Hard. I have no doubt that he would bring a certain level of dogged determination to the party. But some of the best stuff in Dungeons & Dragons happens during spur-of-the-moment side quests. Given Frodo’s single-mindedness, I can’t really picture him procrastinating the destruction of a mythical object just to raid a town full of fascist bugbears for the fun of it.

He's also definitely the player to adopt a weird Goblin or Halfling NPC companion that no one else likes…

8. Legolas

Look, I love Legolas. We all love Legolas. But there is absolutely no denying that he has the most boring personality in the Fellowship. And I don’t want to play D&D side-by-side with someone boring!

Ok, fine, fine. But stop describing all of your character’s incredible acrobatic feats in extreme detail, dude. WE GET IT.

7. Boromir

Boromir would be the player who knows the rulebook inside and out. After all… one does not simply walk into Mordor. While this sort of passion and knowledge is admirable, it can also be exhausting—especially when he starts arguing about who should get to carry the magical MacGuffin.

On the plus side, if Boromir makes a mistake, you know that he’s willing to die to redeem himself! (Of course, then he’ll just come back as his old character’s “brother” with a suspiciously similar name.)

6. Merry and Pippin (tie)

These two Hobbits are the very definition of chaotic neutral. But here’s the thing: sometimes you want a little chaos. They would be the type of players who don’t necessarily make correct decisions… but definitely make decisions nonetheless. (“Should we attack the dragon?” “We should totally attack the dragon!”).

Pippin’s knack for being a fool of a Took would keep the game lively and unpredictable. Merry would be, well… merry! Sure, they’ll probably derail the campaign more than once, but their antics will assuredly help defeat the BBEG¹ in the end.

4. Aragorn

I don’t think that Aragorn would necessarily be good at role-playing, per se. However, he would be awesome at being Aragorn! This is a man with extreme consistency of character. He would, therefore, play ONLY as a ranger named Strider who rides a big black horse and carries a sword called, like, Undúril. And that’s a guy you want on your side when the questing gets rough.

3. Gimli

Gimli would show up to every session in full costume, for sure. He would deliver epic speeches and never break character, even when ordering delivery. He would drink everyone else under the table—both in-game and IRL. Plus, his dice rolls would somehow always land on natural 20. I don’t know how, I just know.

2. Gandalf

I think Gandalf would make a great D&D player… but he’d be an even better Dungeon Master. In fact, he’d probably be the best Dungeon Master ever! A white wizard who can manipulate fireworks might be able to dazzle parties sliiiiiightly more than, say, a random guy you went to high school with.

The only problem? Gandalf will definitely show up whenever he pleases. Or leave mid-session on pressing business.  It’s a wizard thing! Even if he accepts your biweekly calendar invite, you’ll always be waiting at least twenty minutes for him to arrive.

1. Sam

The very best “friend” character ever written is unquestionably number one on this list. He carries the party—figuratively, but also sometimes literally.

Dungeons and Dragons is most fun to play with a committed group that fully supports each other. And Sam is commitment and support brought to life! He would be the first one on board with every stupid plan, every dumb joke, and every crazy twist that your party comes across. He’d play equally enthusiastically whether his character is a healing gnome or a berserking half-orc. And he would always pay for pizza.

The Fellowship wouldn’t have gotten far without Samwise Gamgee. Neither would their D&D party.

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Tolkien Treasures 💎

Hey friends, Josh here again! Just wanted to bring it to your attention that there have been some very special Tolkien-related releases this month!

1. The Collected Poems of J.R.R. Tolkien Box Set

Image via Reddit

For the first time ever, almost 200 works of poetry by J.R.R. Tolkien are collected across three volumes, including more than 60 that have never before been seen.

From the publisher’s description: “The poems are deftly woven together with commentary and notes by world-renowned Tolkien scholars Christina Scull & Wayne G. Hammond, placing them in the context of Tolkien’s life and literary accomplishments and creating a poetical biography that is a unique and revealing celebration of J.R.R. Tolkien.”

What a gorgeous edition too!

📚 Find it on Amazon or Bookshop.org (every purchase through Bookshop supports independent bookstores)

2. The History of Middle-earth Box Set #4

This fourth boxed set completes the latest release of The History of Middle-earth and contains Morgoth’s Ring, The War of the Jewels, The Peoples of Middle-earth (Books 10–12 of The History of Middle-earth) and The History of Middle-earth Index.

If you’ve got the other three sets (like I do…), this is a must buy!

📚 Find it at Amazon or Bookshop.org

💡 Find a list of the past Tolkien books and sets I’ve recommended on my Bookshop Page or Amazon Storefront

To all of you tempted by these but not sure if you would ever financially recover from this decision, know this:

Appendices

• This Friday’s newsletter will have some very special details of how I’m celebrating Hobbit Day (September 22nd) here in the newsletter! So watch for that along with the analysis and review of this week’s ROP episode.

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1. Editor’s Note: for those unaware, this is D&D speak for the “Big Bad Evil Guy”